I didn’t know there would be metal detectors

It's June somewhere in America, and graduation is in the air. For event security personnel, this is an opportunity to earn some easy money before the concert season kicks off.

On this particular day, we were all stationed at the metal detectors to ensure everyone’s safety as they entered the venue. The morning was going smoothly until a group of four individuals approached the detectors. The first three went through without any issues, but the fourth kept setting off the alarm. Despite emptying his pockets, he continued to trigger the midsection sensor. Sometimes, the machine malfunctions, so we asked to perform a manual search.

At this point, the gentleman began to appear increasingly nervous and fidgety. His companions stood to the side, giving us disapproving looks. Finally, he turned to me and asked if he could confess something privately. I assured him that he could, as I very much wanted to resolve the situation. He then leaned in and whispered in my ear, “This is really embarrassing, but I'm wearing a metal butt plug.” Surprised and trying my best not to burst into laughter, I handled the situation professionally by calling over the supervisor to deal with it. After all, he was paid two dollars more an hour than I was.

I observed as the supervisor and the gentleman engaged in a conversation. Although I couldn't hear their exchange, I saw my supervisor shaking his head in disbelief. He gestured towards a portable toilet in the parking lot, and the gentleman used the facilities. Then returned a short time later, looking very dejected as if he had lost all his money gambling or at a strip club. To everyone’s relief, he passed through the metal detector without any further issues. Of course, the rest of his party was curious about what had caused the problem. I can only imagine the response he gave them.

Both illustrations titled Suzie’s graduation day by Ricardo Jeffory