Is No Values Old Chella for punks, is it worth it, and who the hell is The Garden?
Mike Ness of Social Distortion - All Photos by ©dickslaughter.com
It was 10 in the morning and I hadn’t had my coffee yet. While waiting for the water to boil, I was scrolling through Facebook when I stumbled upon a post featuring a black and rather generic "No Values" flyer. I initially thought this was a fantasy festival lineup MEME with a fake flyer for social media, but I continued to read it anyway.
The flyer announced the impossible. A Misfits reunion, Social Distortion, Iggy Pop, and Bad Religion, along with SUBLIME, TURNSTYLE, The Damned, T.S.O.L., FEAR, The Adolescents, the EXPLOITED, and many more. The list went on and on. This can’t be real, right?
I checked to see who posted this wishlist bullshit and it turned out to be Steve Ignorant, who was featured on the flyer along with a CRASS symbol. My mind suddenly snapped out of the morning fog. I saw other posts claiming that it was fake, or that it was just going to be Jello Biafra playing records. But as more and more bands started to post about the festival, the doubters quickly disappeared… and the complainers took over.
Some were upset about the ticket prices. “I’m not going on a payment plan for a punk show.” Others were unhappy that it was only a one-day event. “I can only see about ten bands and I want to see them all.” Some people questioned why there was a blurred-out band on the flyer and some just wanted to talk shit. “Is everyone on the bill a hundred years old,” and (my favorite comment), “Is this Old Chella for punks?”
I'll try my best to address some of these questions.
“is this Old Chella for punks?”
Yes, it is Old Chella for punks. Many of the artists on this bill are close to or past retirement age and can use a decent payday–and many of us old geezers can afford it, which is evident by the fact that VIP tickets sold out very quickly. Alternatively, most of us very old schoolers have seen the majority of these bands dozens of times and can skip it, and see No Values as an excuse to stay home and complain on the internet about how much better the scene was back in the day. So it's a win-win for whiny old punks.
For younger punks, No Values presents an opportunity to tick several bands off of their punk bucket list, so when they inevitably become old coots themselves, they can tell the third wife and grandkids they saw them all.
The Steve Ignorant band performing the songs of CRASS-All Photos ©dickslaughter.com
YES, You should GO ON A PAYMENT PLAN FOR A PUNK SHOW.
Although the ticket price may seem steep, it’s important to understand that touring is an expensive undertaking for bands, especially those from overseas. Big festivals like No Values pay well, and they help bands tour and reach a much larger audience. The No Values lineup is impressive and worth every penny. If you can catch The Dickies, the Addicts, The Cro Mags, and Suicidal Tendencies all in one day, it is worth more than the price of admission. Even if you only see Iggy Pop and the Steve Ignorant Band’s CRASS set, it is worth the ticket price. I have spent thousands of dollars over my lifetime to see the two IG’s and have never been disappointed.
“Why isn’t it more than one day?”
I also wish the festival was longer than one day, but Goldenvoice has tried to address this by organizing additional local sideshows at the Fonda Theatre in LA, the Garden Amphitheater in Orange County, and, the Glasshouse in Pomona from June 6th through the 10th. These additional shows will feature highlights from the No Values lineup, including The Damned playing twice, Black Flag, the Selector, the Jesus Lizard, and Power Trip, along with some fantastic groups that aren't playing at the main festival, like D.I., Bite Me Bambi, Crawlspace, and Soul Glo at smaller, more intimate venues.
“Is everyone playing a hundred years old?"
No, not everyone. The Viagra Boys, who happen to be one of my favorite bands to see live, are still in their forties. And the newly unblurred mystery band, The Garden, is just a couple of baby punks—I don’t even know if they’re in their 30s yet.
Sebastian Murphy of the Viagra Boys-All Photos ©dickslaughter.com
“Who the hell is the Garden?”
When it was announced The Garden was the last band to be added, the grumpy punk commenters lit up the geriatric punk pages.
“Who the hell is the Garden?”
“What’s with the makeup?”
“Is this a Juggalo thing?” (no, it is not)
It seems that most of Gen X is completely unaware of the Garden. Odd how that works: we complain that there are no younger bands, then when they add one, we bitch that we don’t know who they are. Perhaps we just love to bitch?
The Garden All Photos ©dickslaughter.com
Lucky for you, Grandpa, I can give you some background on Orange County's favorite twin brothers, Wyatt and Fletcher Shears. About a decade ago, when I was still Richard Electra, running the AAA Electra 99 Art Museum (an all-ages music venue and punk rock art gallery right across the street from the fucking dump in Anageim), the Shears brothers were still teenagers and played regularly with other local bands on our little stage – often cheered on by their mom. They possess a unique and impeccable timing and synchronicity that only twins could have. Their performances are exactly that: theatrical, musical, wild, energetic, and highly entertaining. Their sound, style, and stage presence remind me of Brainiac.
The Garden-All Photos ©dickslaughter.com
I can say in all honesty that they were one of my favorite bands that played AAA Electra 99 over the decades. Not only because they rocked the house (which they did), but because they were generally respectful, not assholes, and always helpful to our DIY venue. They were willing to play benefits and even clean up after their shows. I liked The Garden so much that I booked them a spot on our very last show in Anaheim with the iconic Alice Bag and OC Legends PUNK AS A DOORNAIL. It's amazing how things have changed over the last ten years: The Garden has exploded in popularity and now plays at Coachella and sold-out shows all over the world. I am not sure why or when they started the sexy clown pirate look, but it is probably so you can tell them apart.
Advice from an old punker
I have a few suggestions on getting the most out of No Values. First, leave the little kids at home for this one, as there will be a lot of walking and it will be hot. Take the grandkids to Rebellion or Punk Rock Bowling; they’ll have a much better time there.
Second: Make a plan. Choose five bands you want to see and one headliner, and arrive early for their sets. Leave the rest to chance. Wear comfortable shoes, apply sunscreen, and wear a hat, you don't want your bald head to get sunburned. Stay hydrated by drinking enough water (not just beer), and keep in mind that you may not be as young as you once were, so don't overdo it and end up in the medical tent.
For you youngsters: JUST GO! Don’t worry about the money, and drink up. Take your shirt off and get in the pit.
You are only young once.
General Admission tickets are still available at
NOVALUES.COM
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